I’ve been journaling through the creation story in these past few weeks. It’s been a “back-to-basics” kind of study. Recently, Genesis 6:7 leapt out of the Bible and smacked me in the face. It was unexpected. I’ve read and/or heard this verse time and time again but the Bible is living and active. I didn’t need to hear this verse in this way until now.
“When the Lord saw that human wickedness was widespread on the earth and that every inclination of the human mind was nothing but evil all the time, the Lord regretted that he had made man on earth, and he was deeply grieved.” Genesis 6:5-6 (CSB)
This verse is in reference to the great flood and the evil that had perpetuated the world during that time. However, it’s not the anger or the power of God that struck me the most.
It’s the regret.
“…the Lord regretted…”
In this season of my healing journey, I no longer deal with shame. The shame was painful and awkward, but the Lord took that from me. I know whose I am. The guilt was heavy and still creeps in from time to time, but the Lord is gentle and reminds me that HE paid the price so that I don’t have to.
It’s regret. Always regret.
There’s a loneliness in this that I can’t quite verbalize to my husband, to my friends, or my therapist. The layers of it and the results of my actions are confusing. They’ve brought equal parts death and life.
That being said, when I realized that God himself felt regret, that he felt grief, I felt less alone. It humanized God in a way that my soul needed. Sometimes, in the small way that my mind understands my big God, I view him as so mighty as to never feel his feelings. It’s hard to remember this is not the case. The God of the universe felt regret, just like his hurting daughter feels regret. He’s akin to me in that. It’s honey to my soul to know that my Maker knows me even when my words fail me and my actions have betrayed me. I can’t always verbalize these things to my earthly people but I don’t always have to, because my Heavenly Father already knows.
Today, that will be enough for me.