“I can see the bee’s butt! He’s right there, he has friends. They’re everywhere! OK, chin down, eyes at me. Love it, so pretty, stay there. AHHH! It’s flying right by me! OK he’s on the flower. He just wants to do his ‘bee’ thing. OK sit up straight, little laugh. Play with your hair. You’re doing great. HOLY COW there are 10 of them!!!! I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine. The bee doesn’t want to kill me, he just wants the flowers. He only wants to make honey. OK just a few more, hold up the book you brought. Big smile, so pretty, I love it. Great job, keep smiling. OH MY STARS it’s going to land on me!” (snap a quick picture so Holly can see how close I am to the bee….and then run).

Unfortunately, this was not a conversation I was having alone, with myself, in my head. This is what I was saying in front of my poor client, who was looking gorgeous, in a field of bee covered wild flowers. For those of you who don’t know, about a year and a half ago THIS happened. Then, THIS happened. I am, to this day, terrified.

It’s not all perfection and beautiful images and fabulous locations when you’re a photographer. Sometime, it’s fear. Sometimes, it’s ridicule. Occasionally, it’s the feeling of inadequacy. I shot one frame of this little bee, of his bottom. I was too terrified to wait for him to turn and show me his frightening face. If he looked at me, he may have attacked…because I looked at him the wrong way. (twisted, I know) I wanted to show sweet Holly how close I was to the bees, and how I managed to stay put, and shoot 35 frames from that spot.

I’m not perfect. I have fears, and I’m working on them….are you?