Pride is such a fickle thing. It disguises itself in many ways and I wanted to share an unforeseen way that pride snuck up on me. Using this blog as a platform to share my triumphs and failures with other creatives is so important to me…I hope you don’t mind if I open up a bit 🙂

A few months ago, my beloved Contax 645 (medium format film camera) stopped working while I was shooting a few details around our home. I changed the battery and that didn’t solve the problem. I took the camera apart and cleaned all of the electrical contacts. No dice. I consulted my favorite Contax 645 Facebook group and after a lot of input, finally decided to send it off to the best Contax repair specialist in the country. Surely, Bill could fix my baby.

A week went by and I heard nothing. TWO weeks went by and I hear nothing. After week two had come and gone, I officially started to panic and gave them a ring. I was told that Bill would have to call me back personally. This was bad. The end had come and I knew it. I heard from Bill a few hours later and he let me know that the circuit board within my favorite camera was fried, irreparable and I’d need to sell the body for parts and just buy a new one. He shipped back the camera months ago and you know what? It’s still in the box.

Now that I’m accepting less weddings, splurging on such an expensive camera ($3,500-$4,500 for the entire kit) didn’t seem like a wise financial choice. Insurance didn’t cover it since there was no actual damage to the camera, it basically just died of old age. Believe it or not, I can be pretty conservative since we’re saving to buy land and I just didn’t want to spend the money. I’ve pouted and moped around over my camera for months and you know the funny thing? There’s a great alternative called a Pentax 645. It’s medium format, the images it produces are just stunning…but it’s not a Contax.

It’s not a Contax…but so what?

I’ve literally been denying myself a great, affordable alternative to my favorite camera simply because I’m prideful about the brand.

“I shoot a Contax“, I’ve heard myself say time and time again. Oh, how the other photographers marvel at the hard-to-come-by, medium format camera of all cameras that I wield as a shoot. This is not a financial or logistical issue, this is a heart issue.

UGG.

I am prideful. I am sinful. I am human. However, there’s grace to cover that. Hallelujah, praise the Lord!

Once I had a good heart check, I put on my big-girl pants and ordered a beautiful Pentax 645n. I’m really excited! In an odd coincidence, my friend Kir Tuben photographed me holding her own Pentax before I had purchased mine. It was meant to be, apparently.

My question for you, friend, is this: is pride keeping you from making a choice that would be good for you? Do you care too much about what other people think about your work, your gear, your life? I struggle with this and it’s OK if you do as well. It’s NOT OK to stay that way, however. I’m cheering you on as you work through pride in your own life and would love to hear from you if you’re in the same boat.

For now, I’ll just be here…back to creating the beautiful, medium format film images that light my heart on fire. Cheers to making decisions and moving forward.