Dear Max,

Look at us! We’ve had quite a few date nights since the last letter you wrote to me. We’ve also been out of town a few times for shoots, leaving us with long trips in the car, with nothing to do but reconnect with one another. It’s been nice. Really nice.

As we were falling asleep last night, I realized that I’ve loved you for 10 years. 10 years feels like forever when you’re only 27. It’s no secret that I fell for you when I was 17. You seemed to live such a big life. While I was studying for history exams, you were traveling, playing in (and winning) golf tournaments, gracing the cover of Fore Magazine…in my eyes, you were living such a big life….without me. I had to sit back and listen as a few women in our church talked about you, recounting their one (and only) dates with you. After we met, you never dated. I wondered if you would wait for me. I wondered if you could slow down your life enough to let me grow up. I desperately wanted you to look in my direction, to notice me. Eventually, you did.

You’ve said a few things lately, in quite moments together, that have stayed with me.

“I love you so much…how did we get here?”

For the life of me, I don’t know how we’ve made it this far. God has such big plans for us. He has carried us through more trials than I ever could have expected. An Autism diagnosis seems like a walk in the park in comparison to this season in our lives, doesn’t it?

I have come to lean on you in these past 8 months (more like, I’ve fallen on the floor, and you have picked me up, ready to carry me each and every day). Raising three children who are not our own, who do not want to be with us, has rocked my world. It has left me wondering who I am, and has caused me to shut down more often than I’d like to admit. Most days, I feel like a shell of myself, and then I see them. Aden and Ava…these lively and wonderful babies that we have been blessed with, and I can go on with another day of this madness. I’m holding on to the hope that an end is in sight. My mother was awarded unsupervised visits with the kids last week…a judge said she may have them back as soon as she has a home to put them in. Can it really be true? Are we nearing the end of this? A dear friend of mine recently gave me great  advice, two words to live by.

“Finish well”

If we are near the end, Max, let’s finish well.

Love, Poppy